I told you that I would help rid you of CLOUDS IN YOUR CLOSET.
The time has come.  Your clouds will leave you and your life will
be cloud free if you heed my instructions.

Sometimes, when you have fog in your house, it is in other places
besides the living room.  Sometimes, it's in the closet.  Sometimes
the basement.  Sometimes the fog in your basement causes petroleum
deposits to well up and fill your basement with crude oil (black
gold, Jed move away from there, load up the truck and move to
Beverlee...).  When this happens, you may end up drilling for the
oil in your den upstairs, which is a topic we will cover in a future
installment entitled, "Derricks In Your Den."

But for now, back to the subject at hand -- you have CLOUDS IN YOUR
CLOSET.  What can you do?  Well, we here at the International Bureau
of Fog & Cloudy Things have developed a method we refer to as
"Six Months, Six Buckets."  Sometimes, people just call it going on
the Six Bucket Plan.  It's powerful, and it works.

What you need to do is get six buckets (hence the name), line them
up in a row, and fill them with:

100 cherries
100 oranges
100 lemons
100 limes
100 blueberries
100 Concord grapes

I know you probably won't be able to fit a hundred into a bucket,
but try as hard as you can.  Notice the pretty rainbow effect?
Neat, huh?  Okay, now...take the six buckets and pour all their
contents into the toilet in your bathroom.  Just leave it there
for six months.  Don't flush...ever...during the whole six month
period, and don't let anyone feel bad about using the rest room.
Just keep using your toilet for six months, and leave the six
buckets of fruit in the toilet.  Six months, six buckets.

Now you're probably wondering, "What does this have to do with
the clouds in my closet?"  Well, I'm getting to that.  At the end
of the six months, get the buckets and collect whatever's in your
toilet.  (I won't go into too much graphic detail here.)  Take it
and put it in your closet (remember the closet with the clouds?),
and leave it there for another six months.  Don't bother moving
your coats, hats, other articles of clothing you may have in the
closet to another location -- just leave them in there with the
buckets.  After six months, check your closet, and you should find
that your clouds are gone.  Also, any friends that you had who may
have found out that you're doing these things are also gone, but
sometimes you have to take the bad with the good.

You might find that your clothing has an interesting smell now
that you've completed your Six Months, Six Buckets Plan.  That's
not unusual.  Many people have complained to the I.B.F.C.T. about
this, and we're working on a special pamphlet that we can hand out
for people with Post-Bucket Smelly Clothing Syndrome.  It's a very
common malady, and we can sympathize entirely with you.

So that's our seminar for today on CLOUDS IN YOUR CLOSET.  I'll
be returning shortly to continue the I.B.C.F.T's on-going look at
ways that you can help rid yourself of fog in your house, so you
can prevent attacks by the mattress-throwing Bedroom Barbarians
from Greenland.

Next time, we'll look at DERRICKS IN YOUR DEN.